Balance. It’s the key to so many things, is it not? Riding a bike… tightrope walking… surfing… being a woman in today's world of busyness and relationships and opportunities and priorities.
For the past few years, I have become increasingly aware of the importance of achieving and maintaining balance. But finding that blissful balance "sweet spot" is a challenge. Can I get an amen? I don’t know about y’all, but I’m an “all or nothin’” kind of gal. I want to give everything 110% (and more, if possible). However, if I can’t give my "everything" to a task, do you know what happens? Well, I begin to hear a little whisper (or maybe a loud shout) about who I am. Whispers like...
I am useless.
I am unworthy.
I am a failure.
I am not enough.
Notice the extremes and absolutes here… definitely not balanced beliefs about myself… and also, these are not true facts about who I am. (Although, tell that to my brain when I'm in the middle of one of these negative thought patterns...)
Lately, I haven’t written a blog post. At first, that was because I was trying to do anything and everything all at once and all at 110%. I have been up to my nose in graduate school life… dissertation stress and postdoctoral job applications and the everyday adventures of being a therapist. To top it off? I became sick and was forced to miss work and to simply rest. I began to hear those absolutes in my head and my heart, telling me that I was failing to be more than enough… I even heard those voices of shame about not posting on this blog.
And then something shifted. I began to see how unbalanced everything in my life was. I was sitting on the seesaw, yet my balance was thrown with the absolutes. The 110% or not at all attitude. There was too much weight or too little being placed on the balancing scales, depending on the moment.
In the midst of this shift, I remembered when a dear professor told me "Miranda, it's okay to just be good enough." These words. Oh how they still bring a peace to my soul.
So what have I done about it? I've tried to find grace for the good enough. And I've reminded myself that I am enough.
You want to hear the biggest surprise about what happened next??
Instead of all of a sudden having more time to do EVERYTHING, balance freed up the space within myself to make choices. I even made a choice to postpone writing on this blog for a little while longer. In truth, I thought restoring balance would mean I could do more… and maybe, in some way, I can. But the more meaningful reality for me was that I could say no to some tasks, all the while meeting myself with grace.
If we are always striving to be more than enough, we are throwing life off balance. You can't walk a tightrope without understanding how to balance realistically. Can you imagine how many circuses would be ruined if tightrope walkers tried to take too much extra weight with them onto the rope?
Lovely one, there is no need for your rope to snap. Maybe it's time to leave some things behind on the platform.
Because you are worthy. You are valued. You are enough.